Actual Xmas Balls

Our New Flag

Our New Flag

Since the United States has a new, spiffy country name, the Holy United States under God, His Excellency, President George Bush, has decided it is high time to create a new flag in honor of the event. "That old flag has blue on it," the President said, "I don't like blue." Then he added, "Blue is the color of Democrat states."

An Austin, Texas, company, the Lone Star Flag and Rum Corps, whose CEO is former oil executive and family friend of the Bush clan, Ron Gusher, was called, and soon the new design was approved by President Bush, the Bush family, passed by the Senate 98-2 and the House of Representatives, 420-15, and now it is the Flag of the Land.

"In the old days, any company, anywhere in the world could make flags," said Presidential advisor Karl Rove from his offices in the Mental, Dental and Parental Control Unit at the White House. "There were no quality control standards for U.S. flags."

"We're not going to allow that to happen any more!" exclaimed Rove.

As of today, the only official U.S. under G. government flag maker allowed to make the new Godlian flag is Texas Flags of Houston, a division of the Lone Star Flag and Rum Corps, and they have vended the work of making the official flags to their Chinese subsidiary, Golden Happiness Peking Banners and Ducks.

Bruce VenDole commented on his design team's final concept for the new national flag. "We were told to get rid of the deep blue, which we did. We decided to keep the stars in the upper left field, representing the fifty states, but then we added a large, Lone Star to their bottom, which represents the special place our company and Texas hold in Godlian history."

"We didn't want to slight the new imperial provinces either," added VenDole. "We weren't sure how many there presently are, and as the number fluctuates weekly, we just added a mirror of the 50 stars for the states, then gave them a little flair."

"For the colors of the stripes, we kept the one bottom red stripe, and otherwise used some of the earthy, edgy colors which are favorites of the President. We decided text would be nice, so we used the old 'A is for Apple' reading book motif, updated with new 'is fors' that more accurately represent this President, the best education President the country has ever had! We want to leave no presidential issues behind or slighted!"

"We also added a few other textual concepts as we went along," VenDole said.

VenDole then commented that the addition of the President's picture on the upper left as a replacement for the blue field required that the fifty stars of the states be transparent, so as not to hide President Bush's personable features. If or when any new Presidents are elected, heaven help us, their images would replace that of President Bush; this would keep the demand high for the ever changing United States flags around the world.

The stock price of Lone Star Flag and Rum shot up Wednesday on the Dallas Stock Exchange from $26.5 to $150.2.