Very important San Francisco women worry about the spiritual safety of Sutro Tower. Likely they are good Christian women, afraid the coffers at their Sunday school will shrink to nil as the good news of Sutro Tower becomes universally spread.
A typical Sutroid Towerist practicing the cult's ritual prayer to the television tower, circa 1991. Notice the large salt-water aquarium on the right. Sutroid Towerists were often known for having salt water aquariums at this time in history.
The All-American Dream Girl (under $3 at Walgreen's) fancies herself to be better than the doll whose limbs and head are repeatedly removed for fanciful stop animation. At this juncture, no one might have imagined she was a virgin!
Director Dennis, angry with the role of the whining Juliet, grows blooms around his eye glasses (2005 revision only). Glasses were important in the movie, whether for eyes or holding wine.
Excitement at the sacrificial site with Benja, left, and Sutro Tower, right, before the announcement of licentious sexual activity on the part of The All-American Dream Girl rained on everybody else's parade.
"Beotower on Bastille Day" was the final stop-motion animation video that was created in the Sutro Tower Video catalog. It was the last video produced during the 1987-1992 video flurry. Not until the 21st century would more Sutro Tower Videos grace the un-marketable place.
The video first presented a segment from so-called Poetry Television, and a mighty fine poem, #27 on the top 40 poems that week, lauding Sutro Tower, which was titled "Beotower on Bastille Day", which began:
Transplanted to 'don't-call-it-frisco'
For the California sun,
I found and absorbed a cult,
Not of Kool-Aid, Crisco, nor munitions.
Not of crosses, nor elephants and donkeys
Nor vague Maoist doctrines,
For I became a Sutroid Towerist!
And now, let us pray…
[ Get the full poem if you care to read it in this pdf file. ]
By the end of the poem the viewer knew that yearly in July, San Franciscans must sacrifice a virgin to their protective television tower (Sutro Tower) in order to see some sun and avoid eight more weeks of fog. The sacrifice only became problematic in Beotower when the year's proposed sacrificial virgin, "The All-American Dream Girl," a second-rate Barbie-doll imitation (as purchased at Walgreen's), who'd become tired of being physically abused in so many previous animated Sutro Tower Video videos, organized a strike of the entire household of inanimate animate-able toys against the studio.
It was a revolution!
The two most visible Dennis executives with the Sutro Tower Video juggernaut were not amused. They were first presented three years earlier in the opus "Carmel Knowledge" as DB and BD, who had been Siamese twins connected at the brain and separated soon after birth, were now cast as Director Dennis and Producer Dennis. Both had in leading roles in the production, but the schizoid separations were not through as a third apparition, "Psycho Dennis," also appeared later on in this video.
Practicing damage control and proper media spin, as any good corporation would, Sutro Tower Video agreed rather than to sacrifice the unhappy Dream Girl to cast her instead as Juliet in a production of "Romeo and Juliet."
For awhile it seemed the dream girl had her dream role in hand, though she was really very difficult to work with, not particularly a good choice for Juliet, and she was constantly complaining. Soon the entire production crew colluded to return her as the yearly offering to end the fog. Psycho Dennis tied her to a California license plate and a new starlet on the Sutro Tower Video horizon, Benja the Bush Baby, arrived with very scary fondue forks in hand, to be used to do the evil sacrifice.
Sutro Tower itself, so excited at the prospect of another virgin sacrifice, its favorite time of year, made a guest appearance as a physical representation of itself (though purple and white rather than its more commonly seen red and white: the audience must occasionally suspend disbelief).
Things seemed to be proceeding fine, but soon disaster struck on the sacrificial front lines. When the All-American Dream Girl announced she was no virgin, a condition that hadn't even been considered at the uppermost echelons of Sutro Tower Video, nor across America, the sacrifice had to be called off and the entire production cost written off of the next year's taxes.
In an artistic fit, Director Dennis went into seclusion, sitting and staring at Sutro Tower, and Producer Dennis, ever the media savvy one, made a statement to the press, whereupon Beotower the video came to an ignominious close as Perry Como was singing "Prisoner of Love" with Director Dennis stared at the tower, the unsated tower that now would cloud The City for another eight miserable summer weeks.
And as the rash of video output of Sutro Tower Video was also nearing an end, the appropriate final shot of the credits involved Sutro Tower in the background, atop its perch on Twin Peaks, and in the foreground the American flag, Old Glory, perched near a McDonald's, as the Franco Zeffirelli soundtrack booms, "All are punishëd!
Sutroid Towerist Dennis
What's-Her-Face (All American Dream Girl) as: Juliet, the Harlot, Polly Urethane, whatever…
Outdoor Sutro (Tower)
Hedda Household, the Mother Goddess [guest refrigerated appearance]
Dead & Unusual Relatives
Toys on the Shelf
Randy the Razor
Regina Del Ossiffery, last year's virgin
Revolutionary Ideas in Toys
Magic Mike, the beggar/gaffer
Blackie, the Clothespin Ghoul
Howdy Hassan & Mohammed Doody
Benja, the Bush Baby
"I'm tired of being mutilated and mangled in these videos! I want to do Shakespeare."
—The All-American Dream Girl Doll
"Due to this changing course, she will not be considered for 'Barbie does the 20th Century,' which is concurrently being produced here. We have no further comment at this time."
"I want a Romeo!"
—The All-American Dream Girl Doll
"OK, be sure to use plastic over the lens so when and if she splatters, we won't have any equipment damage"
Videos with an asterisk (*) are available for viewing courtesy of the Internet Archive.
►Beotower on Bastille Day (1991)*
The Detaxilification of Quemalt Aite (1992)
(sketched out: never produced)
The Last Time Dennis Saw Iowa (2005)
(see also: "Red Meat and Red Jell-O")
Sturm in der Deutschstunde (1992)
A Tour of San Francisco (1987)
(the very first "movie")