Q-Twot ketchup wells were long-desired by Sadman Insane and the other Messypotamiraqian elite.
Ide Rather, the 10 o'clock news anchor on the Fabled News Network (FNN) of Mars.
Sadman Insane with a Mustard-Tipped Scud Pickle. It was feared he would fire these at Tell-of-Eve and Soured Rabies, but no reports reached Mars of that actually happening.
Scud Pickles of Messypotamiraq vs. Patë-Tipped Missiles of Messypotomac. The Paté-tipped ones sort of won the day. It was not that reassuring if you ended up being one of the folks annihilated by a scud pickle.
Know your nearby planets: "Luxembourg Exposed" with Ide Rather
"Iraq Attaq," a video created in 1991 and reworked in 2004, is a satirical look at the first Gulf War led by George H. Bush against Saddam Hussein, who had invaded Kuwait in order to bolster Iraq's resource base.
The premise of Iraq Attaq was that even if we found the war in the Mideast confusing or odd, imagine how confused and likely to get things wrong creatures elsewhere in the universe would be. To this end, it used an alleged nightly newscast on the "Fabled News Network" (FNN), made by green Martian, "Ide Rather," (a bad satirical name created from earthling CBS news reporter, Dan Rather). At this time in history, CNN was relatively new, and 24 hour a day coverage of war was also new. Additionally, media reporters from western countries practiced self-censorship during the course of the war, which essentially meant they had to do what the invading armies wanted or else they would not have access.
A lot of the reporting style and devices were particularly odd and newfangled at the time of the first Gulf war. They have, by repetition since, become part of corporate media style that no longer would hardly even be noticed by people, especially those growing up since the 1990s.
In these fictional reports, the Gulf War lasted four days. Instead of oil, the armies were fighting over the lucrative ketchup from ketchup wells. Sadman Insane, leader of Messypotamiraq, was the invader of Q-Twot. King Gorgeous of Tush was the king of Messypotomac, leader of the invasion forces, as well as leader of one of the Super Pourers of the red ketchup sauce. Soured Rabies (Saudi Arabia), with capitol city Ree Add (4+5 is not equal to 8), a major producer of the condiment, and Hey Judea (Israel), with its capitol, Tell of Eve, were the victims of Sadman's scud pickle attacks, which dutifully would have been reported by FNN reporter, Arthur Baptist Christian, on the scene in Ree Add (on the roof of a hotel, which pretty much was parallel to reality in 1991); however technological difficulties and self-censorship kept interfering with reports. Finally when a report did get through, it was nothing more than Christian talking about how cool the missiles lighting up the night sky were.
The entire war also had elements of a video game of the day, PacMan.
Afraid that Sadman Insane would get a dreaded Onion Bomb (atomic weapons), those under Gorgeous of Tush were determined not to allow him to get everything and become a very major power player: i.e. ketchup, mustard, pickles, and onions were just too much to bear.
Yes, the puns may be bad, as all puns should be, really.
Constant polling of the population presented mixed results about issues supposedly of utmost importance during the war…. The actual 1991 Gulf War, though not the beginning of polling, brought it into greater evidence to the forefront: politicians became addicted to what polls said. Governance by methods other than the popularity contest were discarded.
By the fourth day, earth's birds have apparently gotten angry over mass deaths caused by ketchup wells flowing into the oceans around Iraq (Sadman Insane began to pour ketchup from the Q-Twot wells into the gulf, killing birds and clogging Soured Rabies sewage infrastructure. After hearing bird sounds more frequently, eventually all human sounds disappear, even those from oft-quoted radio station, Radio Luxembourgeoisie, whose motto was "It's not pretty being petty!"
Undaunted, Ide Rather continues reporting on the other important issues concerning the solar system, which all happen to be the weather.
In the animated 2004 revision, the end titles of "Iraq Attaq" are very long with a lot of bird-inspired tunes providing the background.
King Gorgeous of Tush, dressed in traditional Messypotomackian clothing, giving a most important speech that all the world waited with baited breath to hear.
"Messypotomac, one of the planet's biggest ketchup users, a so-called super-pourer of the food, feared unforeseen economic woes if Sadman Insane of Messypotamiraq was allowed to control the production of the lucrative tomato wells in Soured Rabies."
"If we knew then, what we know now…"
"Emperor Sadman Insane of the Messypotamiraqi Empire began the day with his morning prayers before going to the beach and opening up a ketchup well into the coastal waters of the Rabiesian Sea near the Farceean Golf Course at the Q-Twotty Coast.
"In Soured Rabies, the city of Al Poop's sewage disposal plant immediately clogged and the ensuing stench in town forced the Al Poopers to don gas masks to breathe more clearly."
"It'll peck your eyes out!"
Videos with an asterisk (*) are available for viewing courtesy of the Internet Archive.
The Detaxilification of Quemalt Aite (1992)
(sketched out: never produced)
►Iraq Attaq (1991)*
The Last Time Dennis Saw Iowa (2005)
(see also: "Red Meat and Red Jell-O")
Sturm in der Deutschstunde (1992)
A Tour of San Francisco (1987)
(the very first "movie")